I believed in Jesus, but I didn't understand heartache. My relationship with Jesus grew as I matured, but my comprehension of what my relationship with Jesus was supposed to look like long term was off base.
My posts are generally about the blessings in my life. I'm living out my dream in Montreal, and I'm experiencing an incredible journey in a foreign country. I am blessed. I regularly post pictures of fun adventures with happy smiles, and I joke about video chatting dogs and getting paid to take hip hop or acting classes.
With this being said, no one travels through life without difficulty. And yes, I realize that I am still so blessed even through troubled circumstance, probably even more so at these times. I didn't sleep very much last night, and today has been a difficult day. It's only 11 AM.
I started a blog with the intention of sharing moments in my life where I have felt touched by God. Although I have spent the past twelve hours in a mixture of slumber, tears, and heavy shoulders, I'm touched, so I must share.
My dad's brother, my uncle, is in the hospital in critical condition right now. The doctor's didn't think that he would make it through the night.
A very dear friend of mine is going through an extremely difficult time, and she is heartbroken.
I haven't trained in a week because of lower back pain, and I found out this morning that I am still not released and they want me to see a doctor.
Therefore, I've spent the past 3 hours in prayer. With my Bible open and my heart in grief, I began to read, write, and pray.
I will lift up my eyes to the mountain;
From where shall my help come?
My help comes from the Lord,
who made heaven and earth.
He will not allow your foot to slip;
He who keeps you will not slumber.
Behold, He who keeps Israel
Will neither slumber nor sleep.
The Lord is your keeper;
The Lord is your shade on your right hand.
The sun will not smite you by day,
Nor the moon by night.
The Lord will protect you from all evil;
He will keep your soul.
The Lord will guard your going out and your coming in
from this time forth and forever.
Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
I know that I'm being taught important lessons about perseverance, love, and peace. I'm also being taught what real, zealous, and grief-stricken christianity looks like. From yesterday night until now, I feel the nearness of the Lord. I understand that "The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit" (Psalm 34:18).
So yes, it hurts. I am unable to be with my grieving family, heartbroken friend, and my back is not healed, but that's ok.
As my sister said here, "May He receive the glory forever and ever. Amen."
Life through Christ is not perfect, but it is good.